What a huge week last week was! If you’re playing along on Instagram you will have seen last week I took some time off to spend with my darling #instaboyfriend. And what a week we had! From musical theater, to birthday present, the ocean to poolside cocktails; we really took the opportunity to relax, spend some quality time together, and plan some epic blog content. We spent four whole uninterrupted days at the gorgeous Santai Retreat, and it was possibly the most relaxing  and beautiful trip away we’ve ever had. The team at Santai were absolutely divine; with the staff being so helpful and friendly, and the venue looking so tropical and picturesque,  it really does make you feel like you’d stepped into your own exclusive paradise. I even had a friend ask on my return, was it actually as good as the pictures?! YES! It definitely was, there was not one thing that we could complain about or have wished to be better, even the rainy weather for 1 day was filled with baths, in house movies and cocktails.

In all honesty, I didn’t have this weeks blog content planned, and while sitting on our balcony looking at the ocean, sipping our freshly popped champagne and nibbling on cheese I got inspired. See, from our balcony, I could see a young couple swimming together in the pool, no one was around, so it was just the two of them enjoying each others company. After a while I realised this lovely young lady was swimming fully clothed, so conscious about her body, that she was in a big baggy t-shirt and knee length board shorts. Granted, perhaps this was just how she chose to dress and had no reflection on her self confidence. But the way she uncomfortably pulled the wet material off her body every time it stuck, made me think different. I decided it actually made me so mad, that she felt so bad about her self in a beautiful location like this, that society and the media had programmed her to feel self conscious and like she wasn’t worthy of swim wear because of her size. And it just got me to thinking, of all the things young women feel like they ‘can’t do’ or ‘shouldn’t do’ because of their size. The things that society says you have to be skinny to do, or to be worthy of – which let’s be real, is a huge load of bullsh**. So, in honor of that darling young women, I decided to put together a little list of all the things I did in the last few days that I’m sure mortified the haters, and made me feel better than ever.

1. WORE A BIKINI! Oh my lord, how offensive! That’s right, I rocked my size 18 body in not one, but TWO actual bikini’s! Not a one piece that covered my from head to toe, not with a pair of board shorts or shirt over the top, and not wrapped in a towel the moment I got out of the water. In fact I walked through nearly the entire resort, from the pool to my room, with my towel over my shoulder and my bikini body on display. And you know what, I felt fabulous! I had 2 new bikinis to show off and that is exactly what I did. With a little encouragement from #instaboyfriend (bless him), I even got down in the sandy ocean and rolled around in the water a little to take a few photos. Was my stomach a little bloated, yep. Could you see my cellulite, sure. But actually, the universe didn’t implode, my rolls didn’t start a world war, and actually, I don’t think anyone even looked at me twice.

2. WENT FOR A MASSAGE! Naked! You heard it here first. I got my whole kit off (got under a towel of course) and let a stranger rub me down, and it was totally amazing. I’ve had conversations before with women who are worried about getting their gear off, or even not fitting on the bed, but I can tell you that was the last thing on my mind about 30 seconds in. This was the most incredibly relaxing and rejuvenating experience I have possibly ever had. Sure, I had a moment of ‘oh she can see all my rolls and back fat’ and ‘oh gosh my hips are nearly wider than the bed’ – yes I have many moments of self doubt too. But at the end of the hour, I cam out of that room feeling more relaxed and at ease then I have in years, and knowing that these beautiful stressed and run down women miss out on that feeling because they feel their cellulite may offend someone, is basically a crime.

3. ATE ALL THE FOOD AND COCKTAILS! Does anyone else sometimes feel like every one else is looking at what you’re eating and judging you. Hands up, me! And of course, everything in moderation, but I was on holidays, and I sat there, in the sunken lounge next to the pool, testing the cocktail list and eating delicious tapas for hours, twice! In all honesty, people came and went the whole time we were there, but the food was so damn good I don’t think anyone looked up from their plate! It was one of my first Thai food experiences too, and it was absolutely divine! I’m pretty sure I am obsessed with Thai food now, something I would of missed out on! The horror! Life is about living, and enjoying yourself, and sometimes, that just includes food.

4. DID A MINI PHOTO SHOOT! As a bigger girl I’ve spent years trying to make sure people aren’t looking at me. But if you’ve ever been to Santai Retreat you will understand that you can not leave that resort without wanted to photograph everything! Oh, the perfection! It really is like a mini paradise. And I couldn’t let that opportunity pass, so, I pulled out a few nice dresses I had packed and dragged #instaboyfriend through the resort shooting photos at the pool, against that wall, with those green plants, and sitting down, everywhere! At one stage I accidentally started posing just outside a family’s balcony, where their baby was quite amused in watching me. In another instance, I looked up and realised there was a woman peeking through her curtains watching me. That one hit me, I immediately stopped taking photos and felt stupid. Was she laughing? I don’t know. Smiling? Not sure. Making fun of me? Maybe, that’s how I felt. But that’s the point, why should I feel silly? I wasn’t hurting her, or anyone else for that matter. And if she wanted to watch on at my poses, then actually, that’s fine, maybe she wanted some pointers.

My point, is that you can’t let anything hold you back. Live your life. Go out with a bang, you do you girl. Your curves aren’t hurting anyone, and definitely aren’t offending anyone that matters.Rock that bikini, strip off (when appropriate), order another cocktail on your holiday. Just be.

Love,

*Please note this blog post is in no way sponsored or associated with Santai Retreat or any othre associating company, this was a personally selected location and the views are my own.